Do Not Impose

Posted on April 25, 2010 by Mark Andrix: "Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire..............."

This post by Mark makes me think of a very specific time in my life. When I was a child, up to about the age of 14, a lot of my family imposed upon me their ideas of what I should do with my life. In the youngest years of my life, I thought this was great. Everyone looked upon me as "the helper", the "creative one", the "smart one". They wanted me to become an artist, a baker, a writer, a crafter of fun, useful things. They wanted me to sell things because I was good at it. They wanted me to build things, because I could see a thing built before it actually was, and then make it so, quickly and correctly.

The pressure of this kind of expectation from an entire family broke my spirit at the age of 15, and I resented them, I resented my own talents, I rebelled against it all. I abandoned all art, craft, and creativity. I acted dumb, spoke like a thug, made stupid decisions on purpose. I wanted to prove them all wrong, so that I could have a little piece of mind. So that I could just be ME. So that everyone would finally see that I wasn't the answer to our age-old family question, "Who's going to get rich and take care of us all when we're old?"

In my life now, at the age of 32, all I really want is to write things, bake things, create and build things. Use and exploit my own talents for money, self-fulfillment, happiness, contentment. This is my dream. Not theirs. but somehow, they wanted it for me before I knew I wanted it. Somehow their pressure was founded, not imposed. They don't want to write, or bake, or create and build things. They want ME to, because it's what I want, and it makes me happy.

Like most families, I suppose, mine is a great big mixture of emotions, memories, thoughts, fights, parties, and hopes. The love and support we show each other has really never waivered - even through some very roller-coastery times. And sometimes, when I really think about it, I realize how lucky I am to have their expectations hanging over my head. Though at times, they hang like a huge dark cloud, other times they hang like a mobile of rainbows, jingling a soft harmony that lulls me to sleep with a smile on my face.

Funny Kids

Posted on April 22, 2010 by Erin Muntinga Wolfe: "Cory just said to me 'Mom...what are we going to do if when Karsen gets a little bit bigger she starts to speak spanish and we can't understand her?' He is so funny sometimes!"

Ahhhh, kids! This is precisely why I want to have a big family. Yes, Bill Cosby, kids DO say the darndest things. I look forward to the day when I can post baby pictures, stories, and mishaps about my children on Facebook. It's a sort of string, connected to my soul, pulling at me these days. Except the string is a 5-foot wide strand of twine, and the thing pulling it seems to be the size of a semi-truck. I want a baby. Or five. Right now.

I want to see in their little faces some part of me. I want to pick them up and swing them around, and make them giggle. I want to teach them how to be good people, to be intelligent and happy and funny. I want to love, love, love them until their little hearts explode love all over the place.

And maybe I'll even teach them Spanish...