An Institution

Posted on April 28, 2010 by Adrienne Stuart: "'Marriage is a fine institution; but I'm not ready for an institution yet.' -- Mae West"

I've thought a lot about marraige throughout the entirety of my life. Most of us, as little girls, dream of the time we get married, and how wonderful it will be. With almost every man I have encountered intimately, or relationship-wise, one of the first thoughts that crosses my mind is, "could I see myself marrying him?". Now, I don't know if every woman does this, or if it's just me and my crazy brain, or if I've just wanted to be married for so long that it's a smart thought, so I think it.

I was told about a year and a half ago by a man I was dating that he wanted to be with me forEVER. That he loved me and wanted me to be the mother of his children, and once again, love me FOREVER. Wow. This was huge for me, a first, really. I had felt this way about other people, but this is the first time someone had said it to me. Nonetheless, it was all a lie, and we broke up a few months later. Cest la vie, I guess.

Anyway, I think about this Mae West quote and what comes to mind is how crazy I feel, and likely act, when I think marraige might be an imminent possibility. If I imagine it, believe it to be a real possibility, I tend to obsess over it a bit. If we get married, will I care how his breath smells in the morning? Will he be sweet and bring me coffee? Is he faithful, strong, handy, considerate? Will we have children, and agree on how to raise them? Will that bump on his ear still be cute, or will it turn into a grand annoyance? Can I make love to this person, and only this person...FOREVER?? Will our sex be adventurous, but not too kinky? Will I find him one night on the computer, surfing internet porn? How long is it before I can pee with the door open? Or what if I fart in front of him? Will he still love me tomorrow?

So, I figure the mere idea of marraige sort of puts me in a state of madness. One might even suggest counseling or, perhaps, a padded room for me. Well, then, maybe I AM ready for marraige, after all.